Bite My Tongue
by AdamPascalFan
Summary: Five times Matt wanted to speak up but stayed silent. And the one time he didn't.
1. Chapter 1

**Yes...I know. I'm crazy. But this prompt on the angst meme was just too good to pass up.**

**Five times Matt had something he wanted to say but stayed silent and once he spoke up.**

I.

Mr. Schue had lost his mind. That was the only acceptable explanation. And judging by the way the majority of his teammates were eagerly dividing the box of wigs Mr. Schue had produced, they were all content to take the train ride to crazy town as well. Even Santana was grinning, putting the seriously ugly dreadlock wig on Artie's head.

Ok. Matt admitted _that_ was funny. But still. Couldn't they see how absolutely insane this sounded?

Jane Addams Academy had been great. Clearly better than any of them had anticipated. Although why the rest of them thought Sectionals was going to be such a cakewalk when the schools were announced was beyond Matt. Twenty minutes on the Ohio Show Choir Board website would have told them Jane Addams might be one step up from juvie hall but they were serious about their show choir. Five trips to Regionals in the last six years was no joke.

And if his teammates apparently had a fatal allergy to doing actual research, the absolute confidence the other team strode into their auditorium should have been the tip off. There was no faking the authority with which they took the stage. Matt had seen it time and time again when the opposing football team took the field against McKinley. Of course to be fair, they were the team that lost to the all girls' school from Tennessee; so really everyone should walk with confidence in front of them but his point remained the same.

New Directions were apparently destined to be underdogs, no matter what the circumstances. This was fine with Matt. Underdogs weren't crushed by huge expectations. It would be way more fun to go out there and just shock everyone with how good they really were. And they were good. They wouldn't win Nationals anytime soon but there was no reason they couldn't at least get past Sectionals if they concentrated on what they did best.

And this proposed Hair number idea of Mr. Schue was the opposite of good. It was horrible. If they went on stage like this, more people than Coach Sylvester would make hair jokes. But from the looks of them, the rest of the team thought this latest addition to the Sectionals set list was a great idea. He could already see Mike and Brittany coming up with steps for the number. Finn and Puck were actually arguing over who made their new hair more badass. Quinn was trying very hard to not smile at Mercedes and Tina harmonizing with Artie. At least Kurt looked as disgusted as he did by then entire process, but Matt suspected that was more to the fashionable boy trying to mentally match his new accessory to his wardrobe and coming up empty.

This couldn't happen. He couldn't let them all go up there and look like idiots. Mr. Schue was a good teacher but he was rattled. For all his speeches about respecting the other teams and not being overconfident, to Matt it looked like his teacher was discounting their competition as much as anyone else in the room. The stuff Mr. Schue had them practicing last week was good. If anyone asked him, (and no one ever did) if they would just pick a set list and perfect those songs it would help. He was all about competition, he was on the football team after all, but seriously it was getting a little confusing which songs he should remember week to week and which ones he should just forget.

He should say something. He should go up to Mr. Schue and tell him the truth. Matt was sure Mr. Schue would at least listen to him. His teacher was cool like that. Didn't Mr. Schue always tell them his door was always open to them? They could tell him anything? Clearly Rachel did just that all the time. It was a little eye-rolling but Matt couldn't blame her. She was insanely talented and this was her dream. But sometimes her suggestions really were good ones, once they were expanded to include more people than just her of course.

He could chalk that up to just Rachel being Rachel and wearing Mr. Schue down. After all, Matt had seen his younger brothers do exactly that to his mom many, many times. But last week somehow Kurt and his dad managed to get Mr. Schue to change his mind about automatically giving Rachel the _Defying Gravity_ solo. Yeah Rachel got the solo after all (for some reason, Matt was suspicious Kurt had missed that note on purpose. He didn't know why but something…something didn't feel right there) but still at least Mr. Schue had listened.

He had taken exactly one step towards the front of the room when he saw Rachel launch herself at Mr. Schue. Even though he knew she was trying to keep her voice down out of respect for their teacher, Matt could hear her every word. Every argument Matt wanted to make Rachel was making and Mr. Schue was just ignoring her.

Mr. Schue was ignoring Rachel Berry.

He looked around the choir room, trying to find anyone that might be willing to help him. Matt tried to catch Mike's eye but his best friend was far too busy laughing at Finn's attempt at a step Mike had just demonstrated. Kurt had thrown his wig behind him and was actually starting to enjoy himself. The rest of them were a lost cause. And it wasn't like any of them would back up Rachel to begin with. Plus, it was an open secret Mr. Schue's favorite was Rachel. If he was ignoring Rachel freaking Berry, what chance did he stand?

Instead Matt took a step back and faked a smile at Finn's latest attempt at choreography. Might as well be like the band on the Titanic and go down with the ship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ummm so I just now noticed i kinda screwed up the order of these. oh well the prompt didnt' say it had to be in order. Right?**

II.

"Wait. Puck said what?" Kurt's voice rose to near screech levels as he grabbed Mercedes's arm to keep from falling over.

School was over for the day, and Matt had come by to pick up his homework and see how the special performance for Quinn and Finn had gone. Matt had thought the idea sounded a little cheesy when Mike told him about it, but it was a nice thought. If it wasn't for that stupid spider, he would have been glad to join in. He couldn't imagine what either one of them was going through right now. Matt could admit some days he had trouble remembering where he put his socks away. Taking care of a baby was just beyond his comprehension at this point.

Honestly, even though he knew it was her choice to have sex, Matt felt sorry for Quinn. Sure he knew Finn was freaking out big time over the entire situation. For one thing his friend's nervous babbling (a tried and true sign Finn was on the verge of a mental breakdown he could not afford) had increased tenfold. But Finn was treated with respect by the other jocks. It was apparently some strange mark of manhood to "knock a girl up" as Azimio had so eloquently put it.

Matt had never claimed to understand how the teenage male mind worked. He just kind of went with it some days.

But Quinn had been laughed at. Ok yeah the irony of the President of the Celibacy Club getting knocked up wasn't lost on Matt, but Santana was a part of that club. And Puck. Like Quinn and Finn were the only ones in there ignoring the celibacy part? In fact, as far as Matt was concerned, the only one who was actually practicing celibacy was that creepy Jacob Ben Israel, which wasn't by choice. Everyone is school knew if Rachel gave Jacob just the slightest hint of interest Jacob would be a former member of the Celibacy Brigade two seconds later.

Plus Coach Sylvester had kicked her off the Cheerios in a public and humiliating fashion. Which had spread through the school like wildfire. Matt probably had heard three different versions of the story before lunch the next day. Apparently being quiet meant people thought you just loved to listen to gossip. Matt wouldn't wish that much speculation and whispers on his own worst enemy.

"You heard me." Mercedes tried to motion to Kurt to keep his voice down, but Matt could clearly see it was too late for that. Rachel, Santana, Brittany and Puck had already left the choir room. Finn and Quinn had long since left. But everyone else had stayed behind. And everyone had heard Kurt. Even Mike, who usually pretended to at least ignore gossip outright, had turned to see what was going on.

"No. You are lying. Lima did not turn into the new setting of _General Hospital_ without me knowing about it. I need details and you're going to tell me." Kurt declared as he sat down firmly in one of the chairs. He crossed one leg primly over the other and waved his hand. "You better start talking and fast."

"Kurt." Mercedes hissed, tilting her head to indicate the rest of the room who had abandoned all pretense of leaving. "I told you this was a secret."

"Then you shouldn't have dropped such a major newsflash on me in the choir room Mercedes." Kurt said simply. "Besides. They're all glee. They're going to find out sooner or later. I mean if Puck told you of all people. No offense my dear but you two aren't going to be registering for Kate Spade china patterns anytime soon."

Matt had to smile a little at Kurt's point. He wasn't positive but he was willing to bet big money there were no bigger gossips in the school than the kids in glee. The second Santana found out whatever it was Puck told Mercedes, Matt could guarantee it would be all over the school before Mercedes stopped talking. After all that was how everyone found out Quinn was now living with Finn.

"You might as well tell us." Artie said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Kurt is clearly going to tell us if you aren't."

With a defeated sigh, Mercedes sat down next to Kurt. "Fine but this doesn't leave this room. You hear me?"

As everyone promised to not say a word, Matt just nodded. He was probably best known as "that mute football player". No one had ever come to him looking for gossip.

"When I met up with Puck to talk about our duet, he was all agitated. More so than usual. And I mentioned us all doing something for Quinn and Finn to let them know we got their backs and he said he was the father of Quinn's baby. "

It was a tired cliché but sometimes Matt realized the clichéd response was the best one. He felt his mouth drop open and he staggered to a seat. He wasn't blind; he had known Mercedes had some major news just by the way she was twitching all during practice. But this? He hadn't expected this. Puck was the father? Puck? Matt wasn't sure which was more unbelievable. The fact Puck, who had taken to pounding on his locker door like AC Slater to open because he couldn't remember the combination, was going to be a father or the fact Puck had slept with Quinn Fabray, the most unattainable girl in school and said nothing about it.

Although hearing Mercedes's news did make certain things make sense for Matt now. The way Puck kept glaring at Finn for no real reason during practice. Why he kept seeing Quinn and Puck in furious hushed conversations in empty classrooms. Puck's sudden interest in legitimate employment. The fact Puck and not Finn was the one beating up the football players who said less than flattering comments about Quinn in the locker room. Although Matt had chalked that last one up to Finn being less than observant at the best of times.

He was so busy musing over everything that suddenly made sense that he almost missed the next thing Mercedes said. "I told to keep quiet and not tell anyone else."

Wait. What? Matt shot a confused look in Mercedes's direction. Granted he didn't know her well but she had always struck him as someone with a pretty good grasp on reality, her somewhat questionable taste in neon colored clothes aside.

"Quinn chose Finn to be the father for a reason. And Finn's willing to do it. I don't think Puck should open his mouth and make things worse. We can't tell anyone about this. It's for the best everyone thinks the baby's Finn's."

Really? Matt had to shake his head to make sure he was hearing her correctly. Was the choir room secretly a doorway to crazy town and he didn't know it? Finn about killing himself with worry about a baby that wasn't even his was for the best? What rabbit hole did he just fall down?

He could understand Quinn not exactly wanting anyone to know about Puck being the father. Finn at least had the reputation of being a nice guy. He was the quarterback. If Matt was to look up "All American Boy" in the dictionary, Finn's picture would be right there. In contrast, Puck's would be next to "swaggering braggart with an attitude problem". Being Juno come to life wasn't a great thing, but at least if the baby was Finn's, a girl could sleep at night that the guy would do the right thing and stand by her.

Except the baby wasn't Finn's. And Matt had a strong feeling that Puck was willing to do all those same things if Quinn would give him a chance. At least that what the other boy's actions seemed to say. Not to mention, if the baby came out looking like Puck that might be pretty hard to just hand wave away. Finn might cheat off Brittany, but even _he_ would notice if the baby came out with a Mohawk.

And if Puck was spilling this to Mercedes, a girl Matt had heard Puck call a loser more than once just the other day, then clearly it didn't matter what Quinn wanted. Puck was going to tell someone until the truth came out. In fact Matt was willing to bet Puck had counted on Mercedes telling Kurt, in the hopes of Kurt making a mad dash to tell Finn the truth. It actually wasn't that bad of a plan. Except Puck clearly thought he was dealing with people on planet Earth. Not these freaks who were clearly agreeing with Mercedes' decree to keep quiet. Even Kurt was nodding! Kurt! They honestly thought if they just kept quiet everything was going to be fine?

He thought they all liked Finn, almost to the point of worshipping him. And they were going to let him freak out, stress out his mom (And Mrs. Hudson was nothing but all shades of awesome as far as Matt was concerned. She made the best cookies ever) and maybe ruin his chance to get out of this town because Quinn didn't want to deal with the consequence of sleeping with the McKinley Man Skank? Matt still felt sorry for how she was being treated and would hate the way everyone would single her out for slutty behavior, but that didn't mean he had to agree with this.

This was wrong. It was mean. And more than a little cruel.

"I mean it's Puck." He heard Tina explaining. "What he's going to do? Teach the kid how to score beer off the suckers at the 7-11? The proper way to toss a Slushie for maximum soaking?"

Ok true, Matt admitted. Puck didn't have the most stellar track record in the world but a guy could change. And wasn't Quinn giving the baby up for adoption? Why would what criminal tricks Puck may possibly teach a child that Quinn wasn't planning on keeping even a consideration in this argument? However judging by the way the rest of the room was nodding their heads in agreement with Tina; clearly logic had flown right out the door. He wasn't about to argue with them. It would do no good, he could already tell that. They barely remembered he was in glee most days. Probably the second he walked out of the room, they would forget he and Mike also knew this news. When team meetings were held about this (and the second Rachel sniffed this out that was so coming) his opinion on the matter wouldn't be asked. In fact he bet if he spoke up right now, they would probably ask when he had come into the room and how much he heard. As it was the fact was the three different times he heard about Quinn getting kicked off the Cheerios, they were all from fellow glee club members who didn't seem to remember he had been in the room at the time.

It was impossible he was being too hard on them. Maybe it was just the after affects of that stupid spider bite. The doctor had said things might feel off for the next week or two. He had thought he felt well enough to come back to school but maybe he was wrong. Clearly if this was as crazy as this was sounding to his own, recently drugged up mind, then someone who hadn't been under a doctor's care recently would have said something. Clearly not Tina or Kurt but Artie or Mike at least. Mike had always been sensible to a fault. And Artie wasn't shy about voicing his opinion. If it really was crazy, Artie or Mike would certainly have pointed it out.

He'd give it a week. One week. Let all the drugs run out of his system. If it still sounded crazy, then he would tell Finn himself.


	3. Chapter 3

III.

It was only the second time his name had ever even made a list and Matt still felt as embarrassed as he did when he found out he was number 3 on Brittany's list of "Guys I'll Have My First Kiss With" in the sixth grade. Especially since he knew Puck had been her first kiss in fourth grade. (Then again…it was Brittany and numbers. Always a bad combination.)

But here he was; number 8 on the so called Glist Mr. Schue was currently railing at them about. Eight out of nine. A lowly plus 5, which if he even understood the so called evaluation system would probably embarrass him. The only person ranked lower than him was Rachel with a negative five. Of course there were four members of the club that weren't even ranked on the list, but honestly Matt would have preferred to be in their shoes. Because he was not hot. Not in the way that list implied. Every single person on that list had had more action than him this school year. Even Rachel. Sure he had made out with Santana and Brittany but who hadn't? Probably only Kurt and Artie at this point. The sad truth was Matt hadn't had a date all school year. He guessed not really being interested in anyone except maybe…..Matt shook his head to stop that line of thinking. Sitting in the choir room was not the time or the place to go down that dangerous road.

As ludicrous as it sounded, it was probably better to concentrate on the angry words Mr. Schue was spewing about the Glist.

A list of glee club hotness? Seriously? They had to win Regionals to even still be a club and this is what someone in the choir room spent their time doing? They couldn't have say, spent time researching what their competition had done in previous trips to Regionals? Maybe coming up with some song suggestions that would rival the ones Rachel kept in her rolling backpack every single day? How about finding some killer dance moves they could learn? Yeah clearly with no set list and the entire existence of the club on the line, the most intelligent thing to do was make a list and formula to measure the hotness of glee club members.

He really liked his teammates. Some of them he might even say he loved. (Not in _that_ way. More like a brother kind of way) For certain he thought of them as friends. But sometimes, some days, he really had to wonder what the hell they were thinking. They may have more heart and spirit than Vocal Adrenaline, but Matt was willing to bet the Soulless Automans didn't get bogged down in stuff like this nearly every week.

Matt could only stare in disbelief as Mr. Schue repeated Figgins promise to suspend the entire club if the person responsible for the Glist didn't reveal themselves. That was a little….._harsh_. First off Matt doubted anyone outside of this room really gave two thoughts about the list or even saw it. This was the glee club, not the Cheerios. They were the losers of this school. Everyone in here knew it. Some even embraced it as a badge of honor. But no one currently roaming the halls of McKinley spared them any thought outside of which Slushie would be more humiliating. So really outside of a little inner club squabbling (which they were going to do anyway), why did Figgins care so much? It wasn't like they were high profile enough to bring embarrassment to the school. Because, Matt reasoned, if being embarrassing was a criteria for getting funding pulled the football team would have been gone about a decade ago.

Besides if anyone spent longer than two seconds looking at the list for something other than where their name was, it seemed to him it was fairly obvious who wrote the Glist. It wasn't rocket science like the ranking formula apparently was. Quinn had written the list and if he was wrong, Matt would go in front of the club and sing Kurt's entire collection of Celine Dion's French CDs. No, Matt amended; he'd go in front of the entire school and sing those songs at the next pep rally.

First off only Quinn would leave Artie, Kurt, Mercedes and Tina off the list. She may not publically embrace them as friends but Quinn did seem to have a bit of a soft spot for those four. She had seemed genuinely happy when Kurt and Mercedes joined the Cheerios and kicked ass at that pep rally. And really they had kicked all kinds of ass on that number. He had heard her ballad assignment with Artie had been, to quote Santana, "so sickeningly cute Disney should have animated it". And Quinn had been the first one to applaud Tina getting the True Colors solo.

But Quinn would single Rachel out and rank her at the bottom. Even though Quinn swore up and down she was actually glad Rachel had told Finn the truth and neither girl was actually dating the quarterback, Matt knew from experience with his sister that girls could just hold grudges. Even when the original reason for the fight no longer existed.

Quinn had tried to cover her tracks by insisting Puck had written the list. But like Puck would actually take the time to write out where everyone else ranked _below_ him? Matt fully believed Puck would have ranked himself first. Actually Matt doubted Puck would consider anyone else at all. If Puck had actually taken time to write a list (another thing Matt was skeptical of. That would take too much valuable "pool cleaning" time.) it probably would have gone something like "Number one, the Puckasarus. The rest of you losers can fight it out for second."

Those were all valid reasons, but it wasn't the real reason Matt knew Quinn was behind the Glist. It was the fact she was number one and Santana was number 2. A girl who had sex exactly once with one guy was higher up on a list than a girl who was proud of the fact she never turned a guy down? Matt didn't think so. Anyone who knew the circumstances (and honestly who didn't know the circumstances at this point?) would rank Santana higher. She would probably be in a tie for first with Puck.

Only someone who hated herself would rank herself number one. And Matt was willing to bet Quinn hated herself right now. He had tried to talk to her, be supportive. He even had his mom almost convinced to let her stay in his sister's old room before he found out Puck had done the right thing and had Quinn move in with him. He knew almost everyone in glee was trying to help her in their own way, and some days she accepted it with a watery smile. Other days? She was more likely to bite their heads off. She'd then later come up and apologize, blaming her baby hormones.

He for one would be thrilled when that roller coaster was over.

Quinn had written the list. Probably to justify the names he figured she was calling herself. He was sure of it.

Of course exposing her in front of the entire club wasn't a good idea. It would give Santana ammunition and that was never a good thing. And honestly Matt hated when glee club became a therapy session. Expressing themselves with music was great but sometimes he wished they could just sing the songs and go home. Quinn already hated people starring at her. Forcing her to defend her actions in front of the few friends she had left seemed to be especially cruel for something that no one really got hurt over.

He could confront her after glee. But then she would probably start crying on him. And he had never been able to handle a girl crying. He didn't know what to do and would resort to awkwardly standing there and patting a shoulder. It was way out of his comfort zone. He'd rather pull the Single Ladies play again than deal with a crying girl.

He would just wait. Wait and tell Mr. Schue when the teacher called them in individually for questions. That was the best course of action.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok ummm if you squint really really really hard this might come across as pre-slash. I tried to resist the lure but most of you know me. I AM HELPLESS to the lure of my Matt/Kurt. But I think it's pretty slight pre-slash right? I tried really hard to not sap-whore it up you all! **

IV.

This could well win the award for strangest week ever, Matt decided as he slammed his locker shut. And that was saying something consider he had to go to the hospital for a spider in his ear earlier in the year.

He should have known this week was going to take a turn for the surreal when Rachel proudly announced she had bugged the choir room and had a list of who in the club wasn't pulling their weight vocally. First off he was more than a little disturbed Mr. Schue didn't seem to be more concerned about the whole bugging the choir room thing. Or the fact his teacher apparently hadn't caught on to the fact some people weren't even trying to do better. Yeah some people were half-assing the exercises but Rachel really didn't need to bug the place to figure that out. He could tell and he had no formal training in singing at all. Secondly, he admired Rachel's talent and drive (even if it did drive him more than a little crazy most days) but the girl had a serious death wish for naming Santana and Quinn on that list. Whether it was true or not, both of those girls would not hesitate before cutting her.

Maybe her bought of laryngitis was some sort of divine protection totem. Rachel had been seriously wigging out ever since she epically butchered that Miley Cyrus song. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Matt wondered if the bugs were still taping because someday, that tape was going to be worth a fortune on EBay. (Hey he may like her and could handle her diva fits better than most, but it didn't mean he didn't know a business opportunity when he saw one). He was still trying to figure out if he dreamed seeing her walking through in her pajamas or Puck had managed to break into his locker and place some "special" snacks in there instead of his mom's normal ones.

Kurt Hummel sped past him, a blur of oversized flannel and denim, not even noticing he almost knocked over at least five unsuspecting freshmen in his wake. Matt sighed. Now there was another story altogether. If it was just the clothes Matt might have given Kurt a pass on his behavior this week. After all he never kept up with fashion and while the outfit was unusual for Kurt, it barely cracked the top ten of Outfits Worn By Kurt Hummel That No One Else Understands list he and Mike had started last year. But then the dating of Brittany started. Kurt. Dating. Brittany. Actually now that he thought about it, that was when the thought Puck had started making his special brownies again first came to mind. Because that was a far more logical explanation than anything he could come up with.

Sighing and without any clear reason why, Matt decided to follow his fellow glee club member down the hall towards the auditorium. Well on second thought, he took that back. He knew why he was following Kurt. He was worried. The entire dating Brittany thing made him suspect a complete mental break down was in process. That at least would make sense.

He wouldn't be that surprised if Kurt did have a mental breakdown. Matt hated dealing with Azimio and Karofsky on a daily basis and they barely noticed he attended the same school as them. He would have already snapped if he had to deal with even half the crap (and sometimes he literally meant _crap_) they threw at Kurt just for breathing. Matt had no doubt Kurt would indeed one day make them pay for every dumpster dive and slushie facials he ever had to suffer.

Plus, it didn't take a genius to see Kurt was not handling his dad and Finn's mom dating all that well. Matt had met Mr. Hummel a few times since the start of the year. The man hadn't missed a performance yet and had made it to both the football games Kurt actually played in. It took a little getting used to, seeing Kurt with his designer clothes running up to greet a guy who looked like he never went anywhere without his baseball hat. It was equally hard to miss the fact that Finn was probably more like Mr. Hummel than Kurt could ever hope to be. And that had to suck. From a few scattered comments Kurt made, Matt gathered it was just Kurt and his dad. "No she's dead. This is her son" being the big tip off there. That had to suck. Matt may not get along with his dad all the times, but at least he had his mom there to help when things got awkward. And Matt imagined right now it was pretty awkward in the Hummel house.

Opening the door to the auditorium, the fact that this was a crazy idea did pass through Matt's brain. Sure he and Kurt were friends, or at least friendly-ish, they were after all almost always blocked next to each other for performances, but if Kurt was really on the edge of something big clearly Kurt would prefer Mercedes to be there over him. Or Artie. Or Tina. Basically anyone but him really. But of course now that he had convinced himself his teammate was on the edge of a nervous breakdown he couldn't very well just leave him alone. He'd keep his phone on him. If things look to get bad, he would just text Mercedes. That would work right?

Blinking as he looked towards the stage, Matt tried to work out where exactly Kurt had disappeared to. He almost fell over in relief when the smaller boy emerged from stage left, wearing clothes that Matt much identified with Kurt than the cast of _Deadliest Catch_. That had to be a good sign. People who were really having mental breakdowns didn't suddenly return to form like that right? Kurt had to have stopped by his locker at some point and grabbed the spare set of clothes Matt knew he kept there. He was about to call out a greeting, if just to let Kurt know he wasn't alone in the auditorium, when he heard the familiar overture start. Matt wasn't a huge fans of musicals, but his sister was. And this particular movie she had made him watch nearly every time she babysat him as he was growing up. He could recognize the start of _Rose's Turn_ in under three bars.

Sitting down, Matt realized Kurt was probably going to perform the song he had originally planned to sing in glee this week. _Pink Houses_ was good if not a little bizarre. Matt had a strong suspicion it wasn't the actual performance that caused the round of puzzled faces when Kurt finished. It was more the presence of suddenly heterosexual Kurt that was throwing them more. Honestly, Kurt did that song better than Matt expected him to, so he had to give his teammate props on that front. But he had to admit, he was more than a little curious to see what Kurt would chose to sing if he was feeling, well more _Kurt-like_ for lack of a better phrase.

He sat back in the seat as Kurt defiantly attacked the song with what Matt suspected was years of pent up anger. If Kurt had performed this the other day, well Rachel would have been freaking out over more than a temporary loss of her voice. Her days of being the main star of the club would be over. Even Mr. Schue, as oblivious as his well-meaning teacher could be at times, wouldn't be able to ignore something like this.

"Damn kid." A gruff whisper came from the aisle next to him. Matt whipped his head around to see Mr. Hummel standing there, clearly as impressed as Matt was by what he was seeing. It was on the tip of Matt's tongue to say something but Mr. Hummel started down the aisle just as Kurt was hitting the climax of the song. Matt watched as Kurt fell to the stage floor as the music died off, only looking up when his father's clapping startled him.

As Mr. Hummel started to speak, Matt grabbed at his backpack. He really should go. Kurt's dad was here now. This was something he could handle. He shouldn't intrude. He'd just find a way to tell Kurt later what a great job he had done.


	5. Chapter 5

V.

"Chang! Rutherford!" Puck yelled to them as Matt and Mike made their way down the hall towards the gym, their preferred place to spend their free period. Seeing Mike shoot him a puzzled look, Matt could only shrug. He guessed Puck was a friend, although it was more a friendship due to years spent playing sports together over really liking the guy as a person. In fact, Matt could honestly say that it wasn't until this year, until he got to see Puck enjoying himself in glee club that he even thought of Puck as a real friend, someone he would want to hang out with after school ended.

The Puck Matt had known from the junior high football team was obsessed with his reputation. Even back then, it wasn't enough to just be good at something. Puck needed to be the best. It didn't matter what he was the best at, so long as it was _something_. And so long as it didn't involve people mentioning anything about his dad. Matt could remember vaguely hearing his and Mike's moms whispering about the horrible thing that Noah Puckerman Senior did when he was in the third grade. He could even remember being disappointed when he found out that all that meant was Mr. Puckerman had just moved out of town. Lots of kids in his class didn't have dads that lived in town. Mike didn't. Finn's dad wasn't even alive. At the time Matt just couldn't understand exactly what the big secretive deal was. Of course now he got it and felt a little ashamed of his youthful ignorance. Now, he got it. It even made sense now when fourth grade started and he started hearing all these stories about this kid who insisted he be called Puck.

Idly, Matt wondered if anyone even remembered anymore Puck's _real _name was Noah Puckerman Junior. He kind of doubted it. After all during that brief, strange week where he was dating Rachel, it had taken everyone a few minutes to even figure out who Rachel was talking about when she said the phrase "Noah and I". There were a couple of times there in the beginning Matt had thought she had misremembered Brad's name and Rachel was admitting a hot and heavy relationship with their accompanist. Later he figured that was probably a symptom of reading too many random crack pairing fanfics for _Firefly_, the greatest show on Earth.

He hated the bullying Puck did. He hated the running through women like used Kleenex. He hated Puck's need to make sure everyone knew he was the best and no one else could measure up. Sure he might understand it a little (he was planning on majoring in psychology after all in college) but he didn't exactly have to like it. Puck as a good guy to have on your team when you were on the field, but off the field? Matt preferred to keep his distance. If Puck would sleep with his best friend's girlfriend with what sounded to Matt like very little reason, then what exactly would he do to someone he was only sort of friends with?

After all Puck was on two teams with Kurt and Kurt _still_ got hurled into the dumpster until about a few weeks ago. Matt was very suspicious that only stopped after Puck managed to get himself dumpster tossed, a feat he was still trying to work out the exact physics of. Developing empathy wasn't a bad thing, but Matt really thought it shouldn't take something like that to get Puck to step up and help Kurt. After all Kurt was the reason they even won a single game this year.

Still, Matt had to admit he had noticed a change in Puck as he continued in glee club. Oh sure, Puck was still determined to be the loudest, crudest person in the room but there were moments here and there. Moments where Puck stopped being Puck and was just Noah. After all, Matt doubted singing Sammy Davis Jr. and Neil Diamond were in anyone's category of badass.

Not to mention, Puck didn't exactly hang out with him and Mike during football's off season. So Matt couldn't deny he was more than a little curious as to why Puck had stopped them.

"Choir room." Puck announced without hesitation. "You're my backup singers."

Matt shot a confused look between Mike and Puck. They were his what? When did this happen and why didn't he remember it?

Apparently Mike was having the same memory failure Matt was, because it was Mike who asked the obvious question. "We're your what?"

"Back up singers. Now let's go. You all can't suck and bring down my awesomeness." Puck turned on his heel, not even checking to see if they were following or not. Matt looked over at Mike, who shrugged.

"We might as well go now. You know that was him asking nicely."

"Oh that was that was?" Matt joked rolling his eyes, but falling in step behind Mike anyway. His best friend did have a point. And he had to admit he was curious as to what Puck was even talking about.

Entering the choir room, Matt wasn't shocked to see Artie and Finn waiting there as well. Nodding a greeting to them, Matt sat down next to Artie.

"Got the same polite invitation I did I see?" Artie muttered under his breath.

"Great. Now here's the song we're doing so memorize it and don't suck." Puck announced as he had Finn hand out sheet music. "Finn's going to help me on part of this but I need the rest of you all to make us sound good."

"Did he always sound like Rachel or is this a recent development?" Artie whispered, causing Matt to stifle a chuckle. He really needed to hang out with Artie more. The guy was seriously funny.

Looking down at the sheet music, Matt felt confusion wash over him again. He knew the song. They had listened to it briefly while planning their Kiss tribute, but rejected it once they got wind of the girls and Kurt doing Bad Romance. (Finn had played reluctant spy on that mission) In fact Puck had been the strongest opponent _against _doing this song, declaring it a "total chick song". Now he wanted to perform it?

"And we're doing this song because?" Mike asked, speaking for the remaining group's confusion. "We already did our assignment for Mr. Schue."

"None of your business." Puck spat out before turning towards Brad, who once again just happened to be there. (Seriously, one day Matt was going to stalk Brad and figure out exactly how he managed that)

Matt just shook his head and stood up to start to practice with Finn, when he overheard Puck's mumble.

"Even though Jack Daniels is a way better name, Kiss is still badass enough to make Beth work."

Now he got it. Matt had overheard Quinn relating Puck's rather unique name choice for their daughter to Mercedes the other day. And personally Matt thought Quinn was totally right in rejecting that choice. It was just begging to get the girl teased down the line. And while he understood Puck's desire to be involved in _something _since Quinn had completely shut him out of this pregnancy, still naming the child should be the right of whoever adopted her.

Puck was just setting himself up for a big time kick in the ass. Matt could tell that even though Quinn had been clear for months now that she was going to give up Baby Drizzle (alright it was a stupid name but he had heard Finn refer to the baby as nothing else for weeks. It was stuck in his head for all time now) for adoption, there was a part of Puck that wanted her to change her mind. He had overheard her talking about the child rearing books he stole for her, even caught sight of it in her locker once. He might not agree with Quinn shutting Puck out like she did, it was still largely her choice to make. And it was a choice she had not wavered from once.

This was going to end in nothing but disaster for Puck. Now that he thought about it for a second, Matt could see Puck was trying to set up a fantasy of him and Quinn raising Drizzle together. It wasn't going to happen. All that Puck was going to get was probably a few minutes with Beth depending on if Quinn had already found an adoptive family for the little girl. Matt had no doubt it would be hard for them, but really the reasons Quinn cited where perfectly logical. Neither Puck nor Quinn was ready to raise a baby. For all his talk about wanting to be there, Matt had noticed Puck hadn't actually found legitimate employment yet. And he had met Mrs. Puckerman a time or two. The woman worked hard to support Puck and his sister. She was not going to stay at home to raise her grandchild. And Quinn's family was completely out of the picture. What exactly did Puck think Quinn was going to do? Bring the baby to class with her?

If this song was just to perform another piece by Kiss that was one thing, but if it was Puck mounting a campaign to make some decisions or possibly change Quinn's mind? It wasn't going to end well. For anyone. He wondered if anyone else had heard Puck. Or was even wondering why he wanted to perform this particular song. Probably not. Finn had been distracted all day over something Matt could tell had to do with Kurt given the way Kurt was avoiding Finn all day. Artie just liked performing and Mike was probably too busy freaking out over doing a song that was more about singing than dancing.

Someone needed to talk to Puck. And not just talk like guys normally did, all surface and no feeling but really talk to him. Finn was probably the best person to get Puck talking but he was dealing with his own stuff. The idea of Artie or Kurt talking to Puck was just hilarious. And he and Mike weren't that close to Puck really. And it wasn't like Matt actually thought Puck would talk about this with them. Maybe Mr. Schue?

He wasn't the right person to have this discussion, he knew that. But someone had to talk to Puck. And soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**And the one time he actually spoke up! (And I hope this actually surprises you all!) Because I know I was curious as to how exactly Matt ended up speaking up when he did in this episode. **

VI.

Considering nearly every guy in this room had been a member of the football team, it probably would have been expected they would be able to handle loosing better than this. It was what the McKinley Titans did best after all. The last time the football team had a winning record, Matt was pretty sure Kurt's dad had been playing for the team. And after every loss, the same thing happened. They'd change back into their street clothes, mumble some words about how they would get them next time, bad referees, or botched calls. A few of the smarter players would advance conspiracy theories purported by the Ohio High School Athletic Association for the sole purpose of keeping them from dominating the state championship every single year. (Alright, those were also clearly delusional conspiracy theories, Matt admitted) And then they would all leave the locker room and head to whatever party was happening that night and proceed to forget that particular game ever happened in the first place. Only to start the whole cycle over on Monday when practice resumed.

Maybe it was the fact there _wasn't_ going to be glee practice on Monday that was making it impossible to do anything but sit in Kurt's basement and just be depressed. There would be no more assignments of the week. No more competitions to influence the set list. No more dance practice. No more vocal coaching. Nothing. It was just over. They lost. No, not just lost. They got clobbered. Destroyed by the group of elitist machines led by the overly stylized hair of Jesse St. Douchebag. That was the worst part. Not just loosing. But losing to_ him_.

Everyone here knew winning had been a long shot at best. During practice all week, Mr. Schue kept emphasizing they were doing this set for themselves, no one else. They were doing this because they loved these songs and they loved these arrangements. It wasn't about the judges. It wasn't about bringing home a trophy and saving the club. It was about honoring the fun they had all year in the choir room. But at some point during the week, clearly the seed had been planted in everyone's mind. It wasn't too late. Coach Sylvester might hate them but she was just one judge. There were still three other judges they could win over.

At some point they actually thought they would be able to _at least_ place. If they placed, Mr. Schue might be able to argue for another year at least. But by the time they had finished holding the last note of "Don't Stop Believing", Matt knew no one disagreed when Rachel loudly proclaimed screw just placing, they were going to win the whole competition.

Matt wondered if Mr. Schue would preach so hard about the power of positive thinking if he could see the depressing scene that was playing out right now. It wasn't anything specifically planned. There had been very little talking on the long bus ride back to Lima. But somehow everyone (minus Puck and Quinn who remained at the hospital), had mutually decided to converge on the Hummel basement. Mr. Hummel, Mrs. Hudson and Mr. Abrams would stick their heads down occasionally to see if they needed anything, but there was really nothing that could be done.

They had needed to win. And they lost.

"This sucks." Finn sighed as he leaned his head against the basement wall. Rachel smiled and placed his hand in her lap.

"Eloquently stated as always Finn." Kurt quipped humorlessly.

"I can't believe this is really the end." Tina sniffed from her position on the couch, her hand intertwined with Artie's. "I knew it was possible but I guess I convinced myself we would actually win. Like at Sectional?"

"I think we all thought that." Mercedes said more softly than Matt had ever heard her speak, her head resting against Kurt's shoulder. "Apparently musical salvation only happens once a school year."

"And Monday I go back to laughing at you all." Brittany spoke up before looking at Santana. "Right San?"

"Yeah. Back to normal." The words lacked the usual stinging bite of Santana's usual speech. Look, Matt mused to himself, the Head Bitch actually does have a heart. Now there was a story even Jacob Ben Israel wouldn't believe.

"Maybe we could go around the room and tell what we're going to miss the most about each other?" Rachel piped in with the same suggestion Mr. Schue had shot down in his apartment. "I'll be more than happy to start."

"Shocking." Artie mumbled under his breath. "I don't think I'll miss that."

"I know this is going to sound really lame," Mike started hesitantly looking around the room before taking a deep breath to continue. "But I think I'm going to miss Mr. Schue the most. I mean I'll miss practicing with you guys and all but I'll see you in classes and in the hall." He smiled over at Santana before teasingly nudging her with his shoulder. "Unlike some people, I won't pretend I don't know you all. But I don't take Spanish so I won't see Mr. Schue all that often. "

"Yeah." Artie nodded his head before adjusting his glasses. "I can't say I'll miss his attempts at rapping all that much." The rest of the room chuckled in agreement as Artie continued. "But he's one of the few teachers that seem to actually care about us getting out of Lima. Well him and Coach Sylvester, but she's just scary."

The rest of the room fell silent as they nodded in agreement. They would probably remain friends after glee club was officially dissolved. Matt was fully willing to bet Kurt and Finn would probably end up related if the looks their parents shot each other were any indication. They might even manage to convince Santana and Puck into having a jam session or two. But it wouldn't be the same without the choir room and without Mr. Schue clapping and cheering them on.

"Do you think he knows?" Tina asked. "Do you think he knows that we'll miss him?"

"Sure he does Tee." Kurt assured her. "I'm sure he knows."

"We could make sure he knows." Matt spoke up quietly, the first words he felt he could say without feeling like crying every since it sank in they had placed dead last at Regionals. Mike was right. He would still be friends with everyone in glee. He'd probably end up in classes with most of them at some point. But getting Mr. Schue as a teacher was up to the scheduling gods and those rarely worked in his favor.

"I think that's the most you've spoken all year." Kurt blinked.

"What are you talking about Matt?" Finn asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I mean we could tell him. Perform a song or something for him. We are still a glee club right?" Matt shrugged. "And we'll still be friends after this and that's thanks to him. And if we're all still friends then it's like New Directions didn't end right?"

The rest of his friends sat there in silence, starring at him as if he had grown a second head. Great. He knew that whole speech sounded incredibly nerd-like in his head. This was why he never said anything in groups. It always managed to come out wrong and make him feel like an idiot. "Guys?"

"Matthew, you may be incredibly quiet, but when you choose to make a point, you make it count." Rachel stood up. "That is a brilliant idea and I'm only ashamed I didn't think of it first."

"I guess we know who's going to be stealing credit for this idea." Matt heard Kurt mutter to Mercedes.

"I even know the perfect song." Rachel continued. "Kurt I'm going to need your computer."

Rachel's words flung everyone into motion. Mercedes called Quinn to see when the blonde was being discharged from the hospital and returning home. After filling Quinn in on the tentative plan, Mercedes hung up her cell with a smile. "Quinn and Puck should be in town tomorrow. We just need to text them where we're practicing and they'll be here."

"I think we should stage this like we did True Colors" Mike suggested. "Just us sitting on stools."

"And we should each give an example of how this year changed us." Tina suggested.

"Yes!" Rachel smiled widely. "I'll bring Mr. Schue into the auditorium to start and then we can go to…"

"Matt. Matt should go next." Kurt cut Rachel off with a wave of his hand. "If I thought it possible I'd argue he should explain but we have much too limited a time frame to both argue with you and pull this off. But since it's his idea, Matt should be the first."

"Yeah. Matt." The agreement echoed around the room.

"Matt doesn't want to go first." Rachel argued.

"Maybe he does." Mercedes answered. "What about it Matt? This is your idea. Will you start us off?"

The idea of starting anything off filled him with dread. He hated speaking in front of crowds. Even small ones. He knew it was an impossible concept for the large majority of this room to understand, but he was just fine being in the background. Even liked it. If he said no, clearly Rachel would have no problem taking over.

But they wanted him to do this. His friends wanted him to start them off. And there wasn't a better way to honor Mr. Schue then by doing this. Stepping out of his comfort zone and doing something a little bit terrifying.

"Yeah. I'll do it."


End file.
